Tuesday night I was on my way home listening to Spirit FM and the topic was really irritating to me. The lady speaking was a PhD and discussing her book about women’s hearts. She was saying how we should all be stay at home moms because being a mom is the most important thing we’ll ever do. This really struck a nerve with me.
I whole heartedly agree with her that being a mom is the most important thing in my life. What I disagree with is the insinuation that I’m a bad mom or bad Christian for working. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with stay at home moms. I know that they are very hard working and devoted mothers. There job is hard and I admire them for being able to do it. But I’m a devoted mom too. I know myself and I know that I couldn't be a stay at home mom. Financial I don’t think it would be feasible for our family, but even if it were I don’t think I could do it.
I just hate when people try and put everyone in the same box. What maybe right for you is not necessarily right for me and that’s okay. It’s a ridiculous notion that we all have to do thing the same to be right. For the first couple years of our marriage Steve and I would fight a lot about the proper way to do things. We had both lived on our own for several years and we were both very stubborn. We would find ourselves fighting about things like how to do laundry and how to put dishes away. Even as we would have these fights I would realize they were silly. I mean really, were we going to get divorced because I put the glasses face down and he put them face up? Finally it occurred to me that just because he wasn't doing it my way didn't make it wrong, just different. We both had the same goals in mind; both wanted the same end result. We just had different ways of getting there.
That’s how I feel about this issue. I love my son more then life itself. I would do anything for him. I want him to grow up happy and healthy and have the best of everything. Just because I don’t stay at home with him does not make me terrible parent. It doesn't make me a worse mom then this lady. I resent the insinuation that I have failed as a parent already because I didn't do things the way someone else has decided they should be done. I’m the product of a family were both parents worked and I turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself.
Thanks for reading.
4 comments:
Thank you, thank you for this post! I needed it very much. We have some extended family that makes me feel like a bad mommy for not staying home with my little girl & it hurts.
Part of me would love to...I hate dropping her off everyday, but the other part of me knows that I'd be lazy and unproductive if there was no one there to make me do things. Natalee is my #1 all day everyday, but I appreciate you reminding me that I'm not a bad person for taking her to a babysitter.
I wholeheartedly agree, Corin. I can sympathize about the doing things differently and fighting about it. I tri-fold my towels and Trenton folds them in half. We argued about this numerous times (he tri-folds them now), but seriously, isn't the goal to get the towels folded? You hit the nail on the head when you said that we don't all fit in the same box. That doesn't make one person's way right or wrong, it just makes it different. If you want to stay at home, can afford it, then go for it. But some of us, just weren't cut out for that and in my childless opinion, that doesn't make you a bad person!
Go, YOU! I get a taste of both world's b/c I stay at home for 3 months a year. During those months, I can't wait for Vance to get home, b/c I've had no adult conversation all day. Plus, like Jenn said, I've been a shlup and have accomplished nothing! I don't want to be that person! I appreciate my children so much, when I go pick them up, b/c I haven't seen them all day. Good for you for posting this! Well put!
thank you for this post! i am in agreeance with you and everyone else on here. i love my kids to death, but feel like i appreciate them more when i am not with them all day! i am too much of a people person to stay at home. i know if i was a sahm i would want to go shopping or do something to get out of the house everyday and finacially i wouldn't be able to. so we are good parents whether we are in the same box or ouside that box:) thank you!
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