The other day I came in from taking the dog pee, when I opened the closet door, that's when I saw them. Size 5 Gum Boots, just sprawled on the floor next to Steve's and my boots. It's hard to explain why the site of them made me cry.
When Steve and I got married I wasn't sure if I even wanted kids. I was in college and I just didn't know if being a mom was going to be for me. Then when we were living in WA it hit me. All of a sudden out of the blue, I had the overwhelming desire to have a baby. It was a total 180 for me. I had gone from liking kids but not really wanting my own to desperately wanting a baby. Despite my new desire I knew that it was not a good time for us to have a baby so we waited. It seemed to me that everyone around me was having babies, my sister-in-law my friends, customers at hallmark, everyone.
Then Steve decided to get out of the Navy and move closer to home and I was so excited, to me that meant we would be able to have our baby. Things seemed to be working out so well, we both got jobs and found an apartment, before we even left Silverdale. Then we learned that after starting we wouldn't have insurance for 6 months and so again we waited. And again everyone around me seemed to get pregnant. Finally the 6 months passed and we bought our house, got insurance and were able to start trying. Then the worrying began. If you know me then you know that I worry about everything. I was so scared after all that waiting I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. It only took a few months and we were blessed to find out we were pregnant the day after Thanksgiving.
I loved being pregnant. Sure there were some unpleasant surprises, but overall I loved it. And then we had Levi and he was perfect and wonderful and way cuter then I could have ever imagined.
When I opened that closet the other day it hit me, all the waiting and worrying were worth it. If we hadn't waited or had done anything differently we wouldn't have Levi. I can't imagine having any other baby. In a year and a half I have grown so attached to Levi's laugh and sense of humor, his stubborn independence. I know I would have loved another baby and I would feel the same for them I'm sure. But Levi was exactly the baby I needed. I know that things worked out the way they were suppose to. I'm so grateful for the waiting. Thankful for the little boy God meant for me to have the whole time.
This may seem like a lot to read into gum boots, but if you look closely it's all there.
Thanks for reading.
3 comments:
how true! i am so glad that everything worked out for you guys, just as God planned. i remember when i was going to bed the night before we had bronson, i cried and cried because i thought i could never love another child as much as i loved braxton. but i do, it is a different love for each of them, but i do love one just as much as i love one of the others. thanks for sharing:)
Sometimes the journey and waiting for God's plan is hard, but the end result is so worth it. So glad you got the "gum boots" you always wanted.
I know what you mean...I didn't even "long" for Emma...but now she's turning 5! What am I doing with a 5 year old. My princess walking down the hallway wearing a backpack that hits her knees b/c she's so short. I can't believe it. God surely knew how much I needed that little princess!...thanks for reminding me!
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